so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
