i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
