That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
