i permit you to call me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
