im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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