hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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