I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
