i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
