One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
