Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
