Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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