READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
