she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
