hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
