Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
