I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
