Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
