wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
