I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize