I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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