I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
