My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
