and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
