trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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