were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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