Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
