those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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