He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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