At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
