i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We are all done wearing pants today
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