he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize