the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
