I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
