Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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