I bet he comes in French.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
