I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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