ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
