If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
