new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
