Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
