just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
