Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We need a shit load of segways right now
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
