smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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