just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
