some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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