I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
