im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am available for nakedness
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
