I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just pynch a tree in the face
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
