The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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