Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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