The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
