Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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