Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My cat gives me a boner
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
