If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
