I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
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how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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