I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
