Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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