mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
