Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
