I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
