Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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