Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
