so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
