wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
