i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just pee around me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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