Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Randomize
