If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
