do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
