there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
