Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
