Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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