LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
