and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
