i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
