I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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