thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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