Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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