the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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