When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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